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The Struggle Within (Based on real life occurance last night)

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The Struggle Within (Based on real life occurance last night)

Post by Alucard009 on Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:03 pm

Okay, so I'm pretty sure a lot of you guys know that I tend to act like my characters are real and that I truly live/interact with them on a daily basis. While I admit that they aren't real, I do it for entertainment and the fact that I feel one of the best ways to make a character in a story is to be the character to a sane extent. That's why so many times I've been talking about doing things with fictional people or going out with a fictional girlfriend.

Now I had something pretty bad happen to me the other night. When I was feeling pretty down and lonely, when I went to bed, instead of dreaming (or at least trying to) about scenarios my character goes through in that universe, I was surrounded by darkness and saw a dark, gloomy looking version of me. We had a conversation, and it went a little like this.

I looked around at my surroundings.

Me "Woah, where is this place? MM? Are you around?"

That's when I notice my darker self standing in front of me.

"Hey, you look familiar. You look like me, but you appear to be gloomy...darker..."

Him "That's because I am you. Your inner emotion of acceptance. I'm hear because you need to stop hurting yourself."

Me "Stop hurting myself? How?"

Him "Don't deny it, you have a clue what I'm talking about. I'm talking about acting like you live in your own fantasy world with characters you've created. It's making you feel worse."

Me "So? I like 'living' with my characters. It's how I write stories."
Him "But it's gotten out of control. Now you act like you're really in your own stories. You're hurting yourself because you yearn for people to be around, but instead you make up your own people, and it's making you more depressed."

Me "What are you getting at? It isn't that bad, is it?"

Him "Yes it is. When was the last time you truly felt like someone was with you? When have your characters ever kept you company?"

Me "Shut up! I don't care if they're fake, having fakes around is better than being alone. I'd rather live a lie than stay grounded to reality!"

Him "I was afraid of that. I'm a reality check. You need to stop. NOW."

I readied myself to fight, and he stood in the exact same fighting stance as me. I threw punches and kicks, but he blocked and countered them all the same way I would. I only landed a few hits, and he was savagely beating me. After a while I get thrown and find myself on the ground aching painfully.

Him "You can't beat me. Why fight, anyways? I'm trying to save you."

Me "Save me? You're trying to make me give up my fantasies and make me even worse!"

Him "It's for the better. You'd best stop now, or you'll get even more hurt than you are now."

He grabs me by the throat and picks me up. I find I can't breathe in real life.

Him "You're giving me no choice."

I then wake up with the urge to vomit. I rush to the bathroom and throw up a little. As I get on my legs, he appears in the mirror.

Him "You can't hide from me because you can't hide from yourself."

I get to the living room where my father is watching television and stay up with him. He goes upstairs and my dark side appears on the other couch. He threatens me some more, and I got back to my room. I feel defeated...crushed...

The next morning I wake up tired and cautious. Fortunately he hasn't returned since that night, so maybe the struggle within is over...


Are the meeeeeeeat buns reeeeeeeeeady yet?

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Re: The Struggle Within (Based on real life occurance last night)

Post by SCK[NU] on Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:26 pm


Nice frickin depth yo.

Awesome, yup yup, and very interesting. I also instantly got the visions of how this would look like a short comic... sadly, tho, but skills arent really enough for comic drawing. Or at least I dont think so.

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Re: The Struggle Within (Based on real life occurance last night)

Post by Doctor Diabolical on Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:58 am

Al man, do what it takes to keep yourself alive Smile . I don't know if the inner self was really trying to help or just making you feel bad (Only you can figure it out really >.>), but struggles like that can make you miserable; I wouldn't know from exact experience, but I have had the same feelings for myself and my work as your doppelganger expressed...

I remember you said some time ago you don't have any old friends around, but whenever you get the chance you should take steps to find some other fellows who are into the same kinds of stuff; sharing my work has helped me out of a slump a few times. Now that you're in college you can maybe find some more writers to share work with provided they don't get all pissy about the elements you take from games and such... Of course, it'd help if you have good breaks between classes (Which not everyone does), help a lot even just to have some time to trot around campus and clear your head... Even if you don't have time during classes you could ask if you could get out some more and seek out some kind of conventions or something, you should be old enough to be allowed to, just a matter of seeking out some kind of gathering and finding someone there who isn't just a fanboy.

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