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Critique These Characters

Post by Alucard009 on Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:12 pm

Alan "I was thinking of writing a story/stories about a group of mercenaries who get hired by an employer to go on missions. Can you critique these names and nationalities and tell me what you think?"

Slick from the U.S.
Richter from Germany
Kane from the Philippines
Crow from Russia
Kaito (name open to change) from Japan

and don't forget the ladies...

Shirley from the U.S.
Butterfly from France
Queen from Great Britain

Can you guys give me some name and nationality ideas? Thank you


Last edited by Alucard009 on Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Doctor Diabolical on Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:54 pm

I'm about half-and-half on Slick - it's not ubiquitous but it sort of teeters on kid-ish
Richter - Ehh, kind of "been done" I think. I like that it's "normal" but there are more obscure German handles to choose from
Kane - I'm liking it; I think you should keep it single-name if you go with this
Crow - Nickname's been used, but moreso for other nationalities... I think it could be unique for a Russian though I'd still say maybe use another animal or even call him "scarecrow"
Kaito - It works, can't really think of a change off the top of my head (Really it's hard in general without hearing more plot or personality)

Shirley - Doesn't really sound official, too "girly-girl" for a mercenary IMO
Butterfly - This one I like a bit more, not something very used
Queen - Sounds a bit stereotypical, unless you have backstory behind it

Best of luck! Very Happy

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Alucard009 on Sat Dec 19, 2009 1:47 pm

Hm...well, these are all first drafts, I'll try thinking of some new names for some of them. Here's my evaluation on you responses.

Slick - I dunno, I kinda like Slick. I wanted to give the American guy a nickname, but what I'm basing this off of Jackal is already taken. Fun Fact: Sorta got the name from an artist I like. Her character's name is "Slik" though, and I liked how it sounded.

Richter - I had Castlevania on my mind, and Richter Belmont's name came out. I need some German names probably. [Drops all names that start with "Von" unless that's okay]

Kane - I'm satisfied with Kane too. I was gonna keep it single name.

Crow - I was thinking of animal nicknames, and Crow seemed to stick out. I thought Fox, Wolf, and Raven were overused, but Crow just rang for some reason. I'm thinking of another one.

Kaito - I wasn't really able to think of any Japanese names aside from a name that I used as a former alias because it was the name of a character in my favorite manga. That name was Kaito. I was thinking of naming him with a Japanese word because like in the game I'm basing this off of, there is the fat Japanese mercenary Maru. Maru means circle apparently, and I think that may be why that's his name. I was thinking of Kuro (black) or Ka (fire) or Kuro Ka (Black Fire) unless it's a little too cliche.

Shirley - I'm a little unsatisfied with this one. I'm thinking of changing her name and ethnic background because I don't want two people from the same country. Fun Fact: I got her name from the movie Airplane.
"Surely you can't be serious." "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."

Butterfly - I like it too. My friend will be pleased and I made her French with him in mind because he likes French people.

Queen - I admit I really didn't know what to name a gal from Great Britain. I don't have much of a background story, but my current thought is that she's top mercenary in Great Britain, hence why she's called "Queen".

I'm thinking of making someone from Africa. Also, I need some help evaluating their weapons.

Slick
Main - Standard M16. Special - Hand Grenade: Explodes shrapnel - Melee - Combat knife (Slashing attack)

Richter
Main - Standard M16. Special - Bazooka: Causes small but strong explosion. Melee - Bayonet (Stabs enemy with bayonet on his M16)

Kane
Main - Standard M16 (May be changed to automatic shotgun). Special - Grenade Launcher Mount. Melee - Boot knife (Kicking forward makes a knife come out of the bottom of his boot)

Crow
Main - RPD Light Machine gun. Special - Molotov Cocktail. Melee - Gun Strike (Whacks enemy with the butt of his gun)

Kaito
Main - Dual Submachine guns. Special - Triple Exploding Kunai. Melee - Katana (Slices enemy with long reach)

Shirley
Main - SAW Light Machine Gun. Special - (Undecided. Possible a remote control rocket). Melee - Punch (SHIRLEY...PAUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!)

Butterfly
Main - Dual Submachine guns. Special - (Undecided. Maybe poison gas). Melee - Magnum Pistol (Shoots a powerful magnum at close enemies)

Queen
Main - (Undecided. May be an automatic shotgun). Special - Explosive Shotgun Spread. Melee - Stun Gun (Shocks enemies with a powerful stun gun)

Tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions. Thanks.

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by SCK[NU] on Sat Dec 19, 2009 4:42 pm

Mehh, I likey. ^^
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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Doctor Diabolical on Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:19 am

I like Kuro Ka as well, though I can see what you mean about the meaning being cliche. IMO you should keep it untranslated to avoid that

Queen; I don't know a good name myself, but Queen is still a bit iffy >.>

--Weapons--

Slick - Okay, pretty basic; I'd add something to spice that up though not something especially overpowered

Richter - Solid, I like the bazooka and the idea of a bayonet on a weapon so powerful by itself

Kane - I like his setup, kind of scruffy/less formal. I do also think changing to a shotgun or even a smaller machine gun would be best to fit the rest of the arsenal

Crow - Main gun is cool, molotov cocktail is different for a mercenary type though it could be cliche to the nationality. Melee is OK though it shouldn't seem "improvised"; make it look like he's made an art form out of gun-butt combat

Kaito - Main weapon is also good. Exploding kunai could be a bit iffy if you're sticking to realism. I think the katana should be hidden in some way.

Shirley - Seems like a lot of power overall (Especially with only a punch for melee), if that's what you're going for it's an OK setup, though if not you could balance it with a lighter gun or special

Butterfly
Main - I like the poison gas and the magnum though I think the dual SMGs should be kept to one character (I like the image of Kaito/Kuro Ka having 'em myself)

Queen - Sounds very solid if you ask me Very Happy

Hope I helped!

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Alucard009 on Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:35 am

My Responses:

Slick - Yeah, he's supposed to resemble a basic soldier. I figured that he would use standard weaponry.

Richter - I like his bayonet too. Bazooka seems like a good weapon.

Kane - I was thinking auto shotgun because I wanted to make it so there's 2 people who have the same weapon, so he and Queen would be the pair with similar weapons. The problem with that though is that I don't think they mount grenade launchers on auto shotguns or smaller machine guns.

Crow - Yeah, I was really unsure what to make his throwing weapon since I wanted someone to have a fire weapon and I got the recommendation of a molotov. Maybe I can give him fire grenades or something completely different. For his melee, I figured he could hit someone with his gun due to his immense strength.

Kaito/Kuro Ka - It's going to be a actiony sort of story, so I wanted to give him a cool special weapon.

Shirley - I still don't have a special weapon for her. Her melee was supposed to reflect her strength just like how Crow's gun strike reflects his.

Butterfly - I dunno, I thought giving her dual submachine guns would be keen. Like I said earlier, I was thinking of having 2 of the mercenaries share the same type of weapon. They'll probably use different types of submachine guns, but they'll both be dual wielders. I may give her the Stun Gun melee for a reason about to be explained.

Queen - She was my first auto shotgunner, so I think she probably came out best. For her Melee, I was thinking of giving her the Magnum Pistol since she already has a powerful close range weapon. Sort of makes it feel like she's got more strength up close than a Stun Gun can deal.

Thanks for your stuff. I'm working on how they look right now, so that'll come in sometime soon. In the meantime, can you help me think of names and nationalities? I'm gonna change Shirley to someone else from somewhere else. I want someone from Africa if I can.

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Doctor Diabolical on Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:03 pm

Sorry for late response, still no ideas for names though nationalities could be Scotch (the birthplace of Sean Connery!), Polish (My ethnicity, can you blame me for suggesting it?), Haitian or Argentinian (Awful countries for a large part, make sense for mercenaries to emerge from there). Would maybe be cool for a Liechtensteinian merc too, obscure place between Austria and Switzerland Very Happy

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Alucard009 on Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:59 pm

I just got an idea. I'll change the girl from Britain's name to Alice. Guess where that came from...

It depends. What are some names from Poland, Scotland, and those other countries?

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Robert_Russell on Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:58 pm

watch the show Alice somewhere yet?

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Re: Critique These Characters

Post by Doctor Diabolical on Fri Dec 25, 2009 5:21 am

Alice is cool, I just figured you were looking for more of a "code name" o.O

When I said Aregentina I was really thinking Albania, although both might be all-right XP

I dunno, all he names from the countries I mention sound rather "foreign"; "Nessie" comes to mind for a Scotch name though that could be waaay too blunt, "Honorata" caught my eye for Polish names (Possible irony!), "Saphyr" is a popular Haitian name (Sounds cool, supposedly means some cool stuff), "Fitore" is related to "victory" in Albanian (I think you could use either since "Victory" could be a code name?).

...The ones I mentioned are if you're still looking for females of course >.>

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