Real Problems: Struggling With Depression

Me "I don't think I can really keep things up. You know, only a few key people know this, but inside, I really am one sad, lonely guy.

Let me start by saying that ever since my last high school's over cautious fools decided it was best to kick me out for the most menial of reasons, I just haven't been the same. I don't get the contact with my friends that I used to, and I was lonely even with them, leading me to a great time of depression. I'm gaining weight, I'm sad all the time, I can't find anything fun, and I have no one to do anything with.

'But wait' you may be asking. 'What about Cassy and MM, the people you talk about often? And don't you have your girlfriend Mercedes? Surely them being around all the time would help your mental state. Aren't you contradicting yourself?' Well, it's time I told the truth. Only 2 people on this planet know this truth, now I'm opening up.

They aren't real.

They aren't real, they don't exist, one is a character from my stories and 2 are from things I really like. You could have considered them imaginary friends of sorts, or if you want a more solid name to call them, non-existent beings who where put into my life to fill in the void that was formed by tons of loneliness.

There. I told you. I told you one of my biggest kept secrets about them. That's how lonely I truly am, admitting they don't exist in anything more than art, drawings, and literature. I can't keep this up anymore. I pretend that I'm okay, like I'm as carefree as can be and that I drift any way the wind blows. Not true. Inside I yearn for a better life...to be with people and to have fun. I never saw the day that my material possessions would fail to satisfy my needs, but here it is. It's gotten so bad I'm on medication now, and that's still yet to help. I don't even know why I even get up in the mornings anymore. It's not like my life will instantly turn for the better. I never expected that, but I never expected it to stay this terrible for so long."


...Ever since that day in February...Ever since they exiled me...Ever since that very moment...I've never been the same.

Me "...I need real people. People who I can physically interact with and talk to. I know you guys talk to me over the internet, but I need to interact with people who I can truly be with."


I've got nothing to say that hasn't already been seen.

I would come see you if I could :'( but I can't... :'(
We should have everyone on this forum meet one day, that would be
pretty awesome. You should realize, we are real, we interact. The thing is you yearn for the feeling of fitting in. That is not a problem, you can go to new places, meet new people, there are always things you can do.
Remember one thing, no matter how bleak things may seem, the forum will always be there to support you (at least I will) and I'm sure many others will help you. Weight is no problem really, I know people who are slightly overweight, they still find ways to be happy. This isn't a really good pep talk, but just remember, we will always help you.

Shit... I was hoping you we're getting better. Was it true that passing your exam was helping, or was it something that "happened" with no true effect? Does what happened still directly affect you, or is what's happening simply aftermath? I know you lost your friends, got humiliated, but people can always bounce back... It seems like hell now, but there's still good for you yet!

I just figured your Cassy and MM were expanded RP thingys, I never even heard about Mercedes V_V. At least you have it off your chest now, I really hope that it helps even though you said it was an expression of loneliness... Now at the very least we know what's going on so we take it into consideration, not just be fooled by the face you can put on. As I said a while back, even though the mask comes off, you're still cool by me. I knew from what you said before that your carefree persona wasn't all of who you were, but as I said, I was at least hoping things were improving on your end... But even with that said, I'm in fact relieved that you've told us here now that you have, so we can support your efforts to help yourself back to your feet.

...So are you going to try to find real people? Feel free as a bird if you want/need to, it could definitely help meeting real people out there who can really click with you. And they do exist, most likely at least a handful worth meeting and greeting in your general area. As long as you're helping yourself, you can take as long a break as you want. We like having you around, but the #1 who should care about Alan should be Alan, and Alan should do all he can to keep himself going. Never give up, keep trying to get out of that hole, and until you do, you've got my best wishes always.

Unless it's not that... If it's not that, try and tell us what it is (If you know what it is yourself), and we'll try to help as best as we can.

If you want to meet real people, just go out and meet some. Go to the mall or another social place and start talking to people. It may be hard at first, but you'll never meet people if you're shyly standing in the background.

Sorta knew all this already. I can read people already by their talk, they leave little hints even without knowing it.

Hmm but well not really all that sure what to say. Except, of course, odd how just one day can turn your alive all upside down...?

and to think, I could have ended up the same way.

I'll msn you ^^

can't say that i had nothing to say before, but i have a tidbit now. escapism is a different problem entirely, that doesn't help deal with any problems.

illusions only perpetuate the pain. at the very minimum, if you still want to keep your world near, join a local D&d club. shouldn't hurt as far as i can see, as you seem to like systems similar.

to that point, if you want to keep it near, keep it, but don't let it be you. just let it be a part of you.

Alan "Thank you for all of your support and such. I'm sorry I haven't replied to this topic. Mostly it's because I haven't been able to think of what to say. The reaction I'm getting here is FAR different than what happened last time I posted something talking about my hardships (YOU DESERVE 'HONORABLE' MENTIONS HERE, AKIRA AND INARI).

Thank you for everything, you guys. I haven't been the same that one day, and I'm glad that even though the world brought me down, people are willing to give me their help to bring me up and assist me in recovering from my troubles.

Every one of you deserves a medal, not kidding. I'm glad to be going to this forum with such great people. Long Live NU University."



Alan "I can do this!"