Alucard's Insane RP Adventure II: Zoda's Empire Strikes Back For Revenge of Metaknight

Jack: ...GOD DANGIT. Allright SAAAAAAAAAAM, take this!

[Fight]

[Take a 40 ounce and break it on the counter]
[LP Special!]

Throwing liquor all over the place, Jack starts burping fire into the alcohol, leaping around, and swinging the sharp part at the guy!

[Jam another piece of debris into him]
Samael: Hehe, let's say hello to the archfiends...
[Archfiend's Fortress]

{For Samael}

Flying to the Archfiend's Fortress, Samael see that the large hole from before is still there. destroyed Crab Robot bits and all.

[Enter the Fortress' Front Door]
[Make your own entrance]
[Climb into a window and enter]
[Throw Jackuval into the Front Door to open it]
[Dive into the moat for a swim]
[Call out for the Archfiends]
[Do nothing]
[Go somewhere else]












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{For Jack}

The fire burns Sam for...A MEASLY 3 DAMAGE?! HE'S NOT EVEN ON FIRE! Uh oh...

Sam blasts Jack with his cannon, sending Jack flying at the cannonball stays against his stomach while he sails through walls at an alarming pace. Very low on energy, he finally starts slowing down. He suddenly stops and hits the ground, surprised to notice he had a soft landing. He sees everyone from the group around him...except for Ranamon...

"GET OFF ME, GODDAMMIT!"

Uh oh! Looks like Ranamon stopped Jack's would have been crash! She looks really pissed off!

"NOW I'M ALL DIRTY! DAMN YOU!"

Ranamon stands straight up and stomps the f*** out of Jack for 300 Damage!

{JACK WAS DEFEATED!}

Nightshade "Wow...Don't want to mess with her."

Villain "*Sigh* That's what happens when your Karma builds up, Jack."

MM "HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS HILARIOUS! SHE KICKED YOUR ASS FOR REALS!"

{Nightshade tries to revive Jack, but Ranamon stops him}

[Insert your own action here. You can revive yourself for 10 LP]

[Make your own entrance]
Samael uses his corrosive acid claws and slashes the wall. It quickly melts into an opening.
Jackuval: You know the door was right next to it, and it was open. And next to that was a hole you apparently created before.
Samael: Hehe...
[Call out for the Archfiends]

[Ask if Kos has a cookie]

{For Samael}

Calling out, it looks like the Archfiends aren't here. You probably could tell by the fact that MM isn't sitting on you right now smiling sweetly.

Jackuval "Place is empty. May I ask what your association with the Archfiends is?"

Jackuval sees a cute little kitten come by. It's the same one as before. It speeds up after seeing Jackuval and jumps right into his open arms. He smiles as he strokes the kitten.

"Amazingly, I'm an animal person."

[Look around]
[Call out again]
[Talk to Jackuval]
[Kick the kitten]
[Spraypaint something on a wall]
[Leave]

If you want to look around...

[Go to the Visitor's Area]
[Go to the Guest's Sleeping Quarters]
[Go to MM's Room]
[Go to Villain's Room]
[Go to Beat's Room]
[Go to Your Unfinished Room]
[Go to MM's Garden]
[Go to the Cell Blocks]
[Go to the Torture Chamber]
[Do nothing and watch Jackuval play with the kitten]












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{For Goral}

Kos "Uh...I have a Devil'sssss Food Cookie. Will that work?"

Kos pulls out a cookie jar that's damn heavy and smashes it with an axe that breaks after contact. A very delicious looking cookie comes out.

"I do thisssss with all my food ssssso the Giant Sssssnakesssss don't digessssst them when I travel in them.

[Yes]
[No]
[Take it without a word]

If you take the cookie...
[Place the cookie on the ground]
[Give the Giant Snake the Cookie]
[Give Kos the Cookie]
[Eat the Cookie]
[Whistle and toss the cookie in front of you]
[Hum the Shadowgate theme as you put the cookie under a box with a twig holding it up so you can bring it down on the cute lil' bugger when he runs at the cookie]
[Do nothing and eye the cookie. It looks damn good!]

[Talk to Jackuval]
Samael: I have been doing mercenary work for these guys, but now I think we have a use for them for our World War. Might as well kick back and wait for them to show up. You know them?
[Do nothing and watch Jackuval play with the kitten]

*[Flashback]*
Jack: Women have never liked me, not since my first incarnation as Spring Heeled Jack... I was once Henry de La Poer Beresford, 3rd Marquess of Waterford, a good, upstanding Marquis until that one day my title got me into trouble...

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

In 1830s Ireland, Henry de La Poer Beresford, 3rd Marquess of Waterford is walking back from a drunken brawl at a pub, his face terribly mashed, when he sees a woman on the ground, struggling under the infamous--

Waterford: LONDON MONSTERRRR!

Waterford charges forward, stumbling and slurring in his drunkenness. Miraculously, he manages to spring on top of the attacker, subduing him

London: Bah, humbug!

The London Monster hobbles away, leaving Waterford with the lady

Waterford: Are you all right, lass??

Lady: Wh- What are ye doing?? I was being attacked by the bleeding London monster! He only attacks pretty lassies ye know! Now no one will believe me, no one at all! Who the hell are you, goody-knickers!?

Waterford: We--- Well I am Henry de La Poer Beresford, 3rd Marquess of Waterford!

Lady: Marquis?? Are you like that NASTY Sade lad?? I'm not going to let someone NASTY attack me! POOOOLIIIICCE!!!!!

Waterford: But lass, he could have murdered you!

A nearby policeman finally arrives

Policeman: I heard from some lad with twisted knees that a woman was being attacked over here!

Lady: The man's a creeper he is!

Policeman: A creeper are ye, drunken cracka?? I've got ways of dealing with drunken crackas like ye!

The policeman starts to hit Waterford several times with his nightstick...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack: From then on, Spring Heeled Jack has stood for making the chavs of the world sorry they treated Henry de La Poer Beresford, 3rd Marquess of Waterford like they were chavs or something! Oh yes, Spring Heeled Jack has made people around the globe appreciate niceness more often, for Spring Heeled Jack is not nice to women, or the law for that matter, or people in general for that matter! Perhaps there would be less Spring Heeled Jack if there were less eeeeeeevil.... BUT, since there is evil, Spring Heeled Jack will be there to represent chaos! Chaos that torments both good and evil, chaos which the world psychically scrrrrrreeeeams for behind it's bent rules!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack: ..........Bennnnnnt ruuuuuuullllesssss........... That was what turned ME into the being that cur-sed the Wraydons! A man, a man named Milos Cudas tried to destroy me in every facet of existance--

In a new flashback, an un-Jacked Spring Heeled Jack slams castle doors open to a posh party of aristocrats, a worn-out and tearful woman standing behind him. A group of 4 of said aristocrats look at him amusedly.

Main guy (Milos Cudas): Misssster Orlovsky! I never expected to see you alive again! I left you a set of circumstances to bring about the deed and a gun to physically carry it out; why have you defied my plan for your wretched brain matter so insolently?

Orlovsky (Jack): You may have killed my grandmother, forced my mother to clean your commodes, forced my father to blow bubbles on a unicycle, tagged my car, made fun of my body, stole all my most precious belongings and sold my works of art to Mausblouffoure--

Hairy guy next to Cudas (Mausblouffoure): AWHA?!

Orlovsky: BUT... You have not taken what truly matters to me... Love.

The tearful woman behind Orlovsky nervously smiles for the first time...

Orlovsky: For as long as this heart still beats behind my bony fragile ribcage, I still have enough power to DESTROY YOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!

Orlovsky pulls a derringer on Cudas! However, to his dismay, every aristocrat in the room also pulls a gun on him.

Cudas: Who holds the cards now, Orlovsky??

Orlovsky: Funneh... I was just about to ask you the same thing...

Orlovsky rears back with one leg and kicks a table up to Cudas and his entourage, accidentally falling on the floor in the process. Luckily, his sudden kick spooked the other aristocrats so much they all fired at once, killing or badly wounding all of them except Cudas and the other 3. Orlovsky gets back up, pulls out a deck of cards, somehow shuffles them in one hand whilst keeping the gun trained on Cudas with the other.

Orlovsky: We play stud poker, and we play for all my property from you or the clothes off my back!

Cudas: I seeeeeeeeeeeee....... SHARPE! My lucky deck.....

A well-dressed man (Sharpe) in Cudas' entourage hands him his lucky cards.

Cudas: We play... For keepssssssss

Cudas's baldie friend (Lumley): But suuurrrr... Weren't you keeeeeeeping it anywayzzz?

Cudas: I say... Do shut up Lumley.

Lumley: Pishtosh!

Orlovsky and Cudas deal out their own hands from the top of their decks... The non-dead aristocrats stare in awe at the showdown... 100 rounds... It lasts 100 rounds. Many aristocrats faint from exhaustion or blood loss. We see Orlovsky lose few, win many. Cudas is losing his grip now. Slowly, ever so slowly, Orlovsky takes back what is rightfully his... Final round. It's down to Orlovsky's gold-and-jewel engraved Indian hooka... But things begin to get tricky.

Cudas: So? You got lucky... If you truly depend so much on luck, why not risk it all?

Mausblouffoure: You cannot speak of risking it all! You've already lost me those fine paintings!

Cudas: I say... Do shut up Mausblouffoure. I am not willing to give up such a fine hooka so easily... This item is special... It means EVERYTHING. So, if you wish this one thing, you must risk EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GOTTEN, your possessions, your aspirations, YOUR SOUL... Against my lucky cardssssssss

Orlovsky: I say... ...I must play smartly... I must remember to appreciate what I have... I must love what has been given to me by fate! ...But THE SWINE! ...I am so close... I cannot give up now! I shall not give up to Cudas, EVERYTHING that belongs to me...

MUST... BE... MINE!

Orlovsky: I will bet it, EVERYTHING I have, against your cards!

Cudas: Haha! Place your bets!

The hands are dealt. Orlovsky and Cudas face eachother down like a man against death itself. One hand of cards against one hand of cards. For pride, vengeance, possessions, quite simply... EVERYTHING. No use betting with everything already against the last thing. The two simply lay down their hands!

Cudas: ...Damn

Orlovsky: DAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!

Cudas: Well, it seems like you have bested me Orlovsky. I have egg on my face for sure. You may take your items and leave, and I assure you I will not waste my precious life bothering you again...

Orlovsky: BUT THIS STAIN ON YOUR LIFE SHALL FOREVER REMAIN! You will look back on this day in shame forever and CRYYY!!!

Cudas: Orlovsky you reatrd.

Orlovksy: EDNA! We can leave now, we have our lives back! ...Edna?

The woman who arrived with Orlovsky is nowhere to be found

Orlovsky: EDNA!!! Where are you?? ...CUDAS! What have you done with my wife??

Cudas: I did nothing. Why don't you find her yourself?

Orlovsky: Cudas, if you've touched her I swear you'll pay for this!

Orlovsky runs like heck all around the place, checking every room on the ground floor, then moves up to the upper floor, where he checks every room there for his wife as well. He is followed by Cudas, Sharpe, Mausblouffoure, and the other still active aristocrats. Finally, Orlovsky, followed by the main three rivals bursts in to the final room in the hall--

Orlovksy (Stunned and devastated): ...EDNA!!!!!

Cudas (Dumbfounded): Lumley?

Lumley and Edna: Oh pishtosh!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
JACK WAKES UP SCREAMING!

[Revive self for 10 LP]

JACK: DAMN FLASHBACKS AGAAAAAIIIIIN!

[Yes]
"that'll do quite nicely."

[tosses Kos the flute]
"thank you."

{For Samael}

Jackuval finishes playing with the kitten and pets it.

Jackuval "Alright, where to now?"


[Go to the Visitor's Area]
[Go to the Guest's Sleeping Quarters]
[Go to MM's Room]
[Go to Villain's Room]
[Go to Beat's Room]
[Go to Your Unfinished Room]
[Go to MM's Garden]
[Go to the Cell Blocks]
[Go to the Torture Chamber]
[Do Nothing]










-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Goral}

Catching the flute, Kos thanks Goral and takes off.

[Leave]
[Put the cookie on the ground]
[Put the cookie in the fountain]
[Put your sword down and put the cookie on it]
[Taste the cookie]
[Do nothing]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Jack}

Getting up, Nightshade looks at Jack.

"At least your okay."

Ranamon looks at Jack and goes "Hmph" and looks away.

MM "HAHA! YOU GOT PWNED!"

[Look around for clues]
[Talk to the next person you see]
[Go back to the Convenience Store]
[Go to the Laundromat]
[Beat up the next person you see]
[Attack Ranamon]
[Talk to someone in the party]
[Hit MM]
[Tickle MM]
[Ask someone for heals]
[Leave]
[Do nothing]

[Put your sword down and put the cookie on it]
sword be cleaner than ground.

{For Goral}

Putting the cookie on the sword, Goral waits. A moment later, the same creature as before runs by, grabbing the cookie and running off. He appears to have dropped a key attached to an M1911 pistol.

[Take both items]
[Take the key]
[Take the M1911]
[Leave the items]

[Leave]
[Make a cryptic metaphor]
[Do nothing]

[Take both items]

[Leave]

PS: could you give me an example of a cryptic metaphor?

[Go to Your Unfinished Room]
Samael: Let's see what they set up for me.

Jack: *-*

[Go to the Laundromat]

Jack: *-*

[Do nothing]

Jack: ;_;

{For Samael}

Going down to the Archfiend's Resting Quarters, Samael enters a room that says "Samael's Room: Incomplete". It looks like it's still under construction with ladders and buckets of paint on the ground. Looks like they planned on painting the room Crimson Red. Amongst the things scattered around are a few skulls, all labeled "Property of MM <3"

[Leave]
[Tear apart the unfinished room]
[Paint the place yourself]
[Throw random paint everywhere]
[Sabotage the ladders so they break when being used]
[Talk to Jackuval]
[Swap the paint with Cobalt Blue paint]
[Swap the paint with Ringford Green paint]
[Do nothing]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Goral}

Leaving, Goral is outside of Joe's Bar again. Looks like there's a police station this time. To the left, Goral sees Crowley Mansion.

[Enter Crowley Mansion]
[Enter Joe's Bar]
[Go to the Police Station]
[Go to the darkened alley]
[Do nothing but wonder what the bloody hell's going on]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Jack}

*GASP* THE LAUNDROMAT IS BEING ROBBED! The robber is a stick figure wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. He looks angry but smooth

Stick "Give me all the money in the register."
Owner "What? All zero dollars of it? Here you go."
Stick "Oh gee, thanks!"

[Stop the "Robbery"]
[Attack the Stick]
[Attack the Owner]
[Talk to the Owner]
[Talk to the Stick]
[Check if there are women's panties in the wash]
[Go into a dryer and turn it on]
[Leave]
[Do nothing]

[Go into a dryer and turn it on]

Seeing that the stick figure is unarmed, Jack

[Talks to the Stick]

Jack (Halfheartedly but hopeful): Hey man, I know you're busy jacking this place, but I'd like to propose something to you; you seem pretty supercool, professional and all, how would you like to work for me? >.>

[Go to the Police Station]

[Do nothing]
Samael: Ugh... That girl...

Meanwhile, as Jack got himself pwned and so on, Beat had started reading the book about using ghost hands.

{For Goral}

Opening the door to the Police Station, two officers armed with Tommy Guns arrest you and take you in for questioning. Seeing as how you don't know a damn thing about what the hell's going on, you're quickly linked to a kidnapping and murder. You get a life sentence in the state penitentiary. Wow, that sucks...

...Not really. You open the door and there's the front. The officers look at you with strange faces due to your armor. One officer takes your sword.

Officer "Sorry, but we'll have to confiscate this from you if you wish to enter. You can keep your armor on though..."

Well drat, so much for the cop killing part in this RP, huh? Well, you COULD just beat the crap out of them. It would be less messy...

[Beat up the cops]
[Talk to an officer]
[Go to the door labeled "Detective Dick Tracy"]
[Laugh at the door labeled "Detective Dick Tracy" and stealthily white out the words "Detective" and "Tracy"]
[Do a barrel roll here and now]
[Leave]
[Do nothing]
[Hum loudly and tap your foot, ready to dance]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Beat}

{You learned how to summon Ghost Hands! You can summon up to three right now by snapping your fingers!}

[Meet up with Jack]
[Talk to someone in the party]
[Hug MM]
[Do nothing]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Jack}

Before climbing in the dryer, Jack talks to the stick. The stick leans on the counter and looks at him without changing his face.

Stick "No."

He then turns away again.

Getting in the dryer and turning it on himself, Jack gets beaten and burned to hell inside, leaving him at one HP. Come on, they even talked about this sort of thing in a Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon!

[Go back to the party]
[Talk to the stick again]
[Attack the stick]
[Fall over and faint]
[Go back in the dryer]
[Do nothing]

[Talk to the stick again]

Jack: ...OH COME ON!!!! Why cannot I act insane, even in Alucard's Insane RP Adventure without getting murderized?!? Why is it all the superpowered freaks get to beat up us worthless freaks? You know it's true, I know there are some worthless freaks in this laundromat with me!! Well if none of you in here are freak enough to join me in this madness, I am going to do something creative and unexpected if it kills me! ...AGAIN!!!

Jack straps an allmighty bomb jack to the seat of his pogo stick.

[Talk to an officer]
"what is going on? this police station is a police station!"

{For Goral}

The officers simply stare at Goral for a moment then look away

[Beat up the cops]
[Talk to an officer]
[Go to the door labeled "Detective Dick Tracy"]
[Laugh at the door labeled "Detective Dick Tracy" and stealthily white out the words "Detective" and "Tracy"]
[Do a barrel roll here and now]
[Leave]
[Do nothing]
[Hum loudly and tap your foot, ready to dance]
[Light the front desk on fire with a torch]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Jack}

The thing goes bang kaboom and fully recovers Jack while killing the Stick and the Owner. The cash register pops out of the wall and tons of Money is inside it.

[Take the money]
[Burn the money]
[Don't take the money since you're a millionaire]
[Call Beat Over]
[Do nothing]
[Leave]












-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{For Beat}

Suddenly, a birdlike person appears and flies down. It's a Rito, from Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker!

Quill "Excuse me, but are you Beat? This package is for you."

The Rito hands Beat a midsized package and flies off.

[Open the package]
[Burn the package]
[Rattle the package]
[Stomp on the package]
[Give the package to someone in the party]
[Put the package down]
[Go to the Laundromat]
[Go to the Convenience Store]
[Do Nothing]

Being satisfied with such a deus ex machina despite being subconsciously a bit lower on LP, Jack proceeded to count his chickens!

Jack: AHAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAA!!! TRIUMPPPHHHHH!!! >8D

[Take the money]

As it was said between the brackets, Jack took the money.... Then, promptly stuffed a good amount under his breastplate before throwing all the rest he could get his hands on in the air!

Jack: FREEE DRYER RIDEZ FOAR EVERY1 FROM JAXXY!

[Leave]